Wedding Story

Finding the Right Person to Marry

            I think choosing  the person  we marry is one of the most important and difficult decision of our life. What’s top priority to find right person?. Some  people think that It’s important for woman to marry a man who can make enough money and have good job to support a family. If he don’t have rich parents, he must compete hard with others to go at good university and have good job from middle and high school. So he don’t feel happy and free himself from narrow- mindedness about everything.  If he or she is such a calculating person, he or she won’t be able to love others. Some people in Korea meet with a prospective marriage partner and see their  marital compatibility, predicted by a fortune-teller according to Korean traditional marriage convention. If the couple is the perfect match, They can marry. If not, Their marriage is confronted with a difficult problem. I couldn’t understand  they have no belief to themselves. Are such conditions important more than pure love?  Before marriage, I have been on a one-on-one blind date. I didn't looking forward to my ideal spouse, but I didn’t feel good to see calculating guy who I met on a blind date for marriage. I had a doubt If I get married without love, will I happy?. First of all,  when there are many obstacles, can two without love overcome their difficulties?. As I got older, I became to believe there is more important thing than such conditions as wealth, appearance and showing off to others. So, when one person asked me for three conditions of my ideal spouse, I answered “The first  is a man of sincerity,  the second is a man of sincerity, the third  is also a man of sincerity”.  

             Before long, on January 1, every year, people swarm to east coast such as Jeongdongjin  Beach to see the sunrise. Jeongdongjin station is also famous place for popular drama in Korea, and people can see Pacific Ocean view on way to go there by train. I never had been to Jeongdongjin Station before, so I  exactly wanted to go to there and see sunrise of New Year. But, All train tickets to Jeongdongjin Sation were sold out. I decided to go there by bus of my mountain club. The bus goes during the night because It takes at least about 5 hours to get there.  When I got on the bus, the bus were already full of people except only one seat. I forced to sit the seat.  A man sat by window next me. He looked young and silent. We rarely talked with each other during the bus ride. I  gave my dessert to him, but he refused politely.  And we relapsed into silence again. I thought he was surely  an introverted person, but  he was a man with manners. Because, he occupied only narrow seat  uncomfortably for my feeling comfortable. So, we didn’t know the name each other and saw the sunrise of sea apart. By the way, when we came back home, he seemed to change. We sat same seat again, and we were still in silence. When the bus stopped by an expressway rest area, he suddenly bought delicious dessert and gave to me. Since that time, for the first time, we greeted each other and talk about light topic such as motive and feeling about trip. I knew he accidentally  joined this trip, because promise  for New Year with his friend family was cancelled. Furthermore, It was snowing outside and the bus was delayed  for hours. So, we talked in the bus during the long time. Some people in bus knew me because of same activity club, so they listened our conversations. He wrote letters on foggy window for shame. He wrote questions on the window “ Are you single? or How old are you?”  I knew he wasn’t married and he was 5 years younger than me. 

 

When the bus arrived my destination, I had to get off in the first place. When I stand up to get out, he suddenly asked for date and my telephone number. I didn’t expect it, but  I had a good feeling. After our marriage, he told it had been for the first time in his life and he had taken courage, because It might be last time we met. He worked in Korea as Korean American. We had the same hobby and went hiking many mountains in Korea together.  Even though It took a round-trip more than 4 hours to  his home, he always  saw me off to my home before our marriage.  Erich. Fromm told in ‘The  Art of Loving’ that the elements of love are care, responsibility, respect and knowledge. And he said "If a woman told us that she loves flowers and we saw that she forgot to water them, we would not believe in her ' love' for flower. Love is the active concern for the life and the growth of that which we love.” 

 

I can tell that his good heart, purity and consistency made me destined to marry him. Also, the material conditions or social level of him were not important  to me. That’s because I do not love perfect person but  growth of person who I love.